Yes, it’s the ‘We Made It Anyway’ page and our Research & Development Department is to blame. Gadgets that are of no practical use but do ‘something’. Each month we will offer you the chance to possess an item that is truly unhelpful and at a price you can’t afford, exclusively from the workshops of the NotVeryHelpfulGroup. It’s a fair, square deal!
The Personal Applause Machine!
Yes, you too can be congratulated whenever you achieve a goal, big or small. The Personal Applause Machine, (PAM), connects to your smartwatch and senses from your biometric readings when you have succeeded. Two lifelike hands pop out and immediately administer a one minute applause session. This contributes to your sense of well-being and overall mental health. It can be set to shorter or longer sessions as you wish. An additional feature allows the machine to pop up one hand and give you a good slapping when you fail in any task as well as make rude gestures at your friends when they visit. It is the unessential addition to every home. Not available on any shopping channel or Amazon, you can purchase your PAM now direct from us for only £199 pounds. Available in a range of colours and skin tones. Send your order to Sid: Basement Department: NotVeryHelpfulGroup: P.O. Box NVHG enclosing your payment.
Loudmate Translator App
Going abroad? Don’t speak the lingo? It is a well known fact that if you want to make foreign people understand you, you need to shout louder. But why risk a sore throat two days into your holiday in the south of France? Merely download the Loudmate App and speak quietly into the microphone. The app immediately repeats your question or food order with increasing volume at each exclamation of bewilderment from your waiter. Soon you’ll be conversing like a pro and filling the quiet ambience of the restaurant with your linguistic skills. Be proud that you are teaching your children that they need make no effort at all to be understood when abroad. Get your Loudmate App now from the Not Very Helpful Group App Store. At an annual subscription of only £99.99 this app will transform your holiday. Buy with confidence.